Dane Cook: I'll Never Be You

You are the one everyone wants to be
I am the one they say, "I'm glad that's not me."
When I go to sleep, I dream about you
When you go to sleep, I bet you dream about you, too

Your life is filled with good times and cool clothes
My life stands still, just watching where your life goes
God please, let me live in your world for one week
This life all yours, and it's a tease for those like me...

And it's a tease for those like me...

Sometimes I picture myself beating you up
I see myself slamming your head off the ground
And you beg and you plead and you cry constantly
I'll make you say that I'm the best and make you say you wish you were me

And then, in your mind, I see me fucking your girl
Your cool car is now mine and so is your popular world
All your friends, they love me, and love that I HATE YOU
I'm like superhero, God that ass motherfucker red, white and blue

You don't know me, but I know you
It's a reel of hate thing; I love to hate you
I get so frustrated...but tell me, just what can I do?

I'll never be you (So true) [x4]

I'll never be you
I'll never be you
No, I'll never be you
I'll never be you
I'll never be you
No, I'll never be you
I'll never be
Never be Y-O-U

I wanna neva be
I will never neva be...
You you you you you

I wanna be [x4]

I want to be you

But alas, this song past, my daydream fades to black
Boring me, hopelessly, wishing that you'd be attacked
And raped by demented monkeys with huge cocks
And painted green like a jellybean
Made a trampoline and a toxic swamp
You're so smug, and so fake with your laugh and your click
I want to be you so bad it makes me so fucking sick

But you suck, and you stink, and you're soulless and mean
I wanna be in your fake, smug world
We can hang out down at the Coffee Bean

We can hang out down at the Coffee Bean
You and me hanging down at the Coffee Bean

I will never be
Never, never be
I know I'll never
No, I'll never
I know
No I'll never be you and that fucking pisses me off

I hate you, I hate you but I really, really want to be you

Fuck!