Stephen Lynch: Baby (Live)

Intro:This songs for my daughter.
Where ever she may be tonight.
You'd think I'd know where my fuckign daughter's at.
This is a new song I have to work on the intro a bit.

My lady gives birth tody,
I run to her room right away.
She smiles with glee,
And hands her to me.
I look at my new born and say...

Damn that's an ugly baby,
Goddamn that's an ugly ass baby.
I'm feeling quite concerned,
My semen must have turned.
'Cause damn that's an ugly baby.

This is just what I feared,
Her head is misshapened and weird.
She's skinny like a twig,
At least her nuts are big.
But her hair color doesn't match her beard.

Damn that's an ugly baby,
Goddamn that's an ugly ass baby.
I give the Doc a smackin',
Say can't you stuff her back in.
'Cause damn that's an ugly baby.

And when she smiles I find,
Shane McGowen comes to mind.
I always wanted kids,
Is it wrong to hope for SIDs.
*crowd awws*
Lynch - Fuck You! Its My fucking baby.

And then the doctor calls me in,
Mr. Lynch she has a twin.
*Pretends like he's looking at another baby*
Damn thats a good looking baby,
One for two on the good looking baby.
I almost start to weep,
Now this one we can keep.
'Cause that was an ugly ass baby.

(*Teich*Damn thats an ugly baby)
Damn that's an ugly baby,
(*Teich*Damn, Damn, Damn)
Damn that's an ugly baby,
(*Teich*Oh, I wanna throw that shit in the dumpster)
Damn that's an ugly baby,
(*Teich*Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!)
Lynch - Everyone!
Damn that's an ugly baby,
Lynch - Now just the guys!
Damn that's an ugly baby,
Lynch - Now the ladies!
Damn that's an ugly baby,
Lynch - Now just the people who are ugly babies!
Da-
Lynch - Haha, Got you motherfuckers
(*Teich*Damn thats an ugly baby)
Well she's got one good tooth, one ear and one eye,
Thank God just one nose but its on her left eye.
(*Teich*Damn thats an ugly baby)
The thought of changing her diaper each day,
And powdering her ass with that tail in the way,
(*Teich*Damn thats an ugly baby)
I think I get a good price on ebay.
(*Teich*Damn thats an ugly baby)
Damn that's an ugly baby.

Lynch - Mark Teich ladies and gentlemen, you'll see him later in the show.